Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Mermaid Story

Joshua stared at the massive gates of his university building, and tried to suppress the uncontrollable feeling of disgust that arose at the sight of them, as if choking his innards. The ugly prison-like place with its empty classrooms and corridors presumably held secrets of sinister pursuits belonging to the after-college hours. It would undoubtedly be the cause of his miserable life, he surmised, for maybe the tenth time that day.  
      
                                           ______________________

Born in an orthodox Christian family in the city of Bombay, Joshua himself was very critical of religion. He was home tutored most of his early school life, much to his liking and convenience, until the point where his family began to discern that his reclusive nature and his strange fondness of reptiles and insects was a result of his secluded lifestyle.

In school he was labeled with plenty of derogatory titles; by the football team, by the girls in his class, and his brawls and patronizing remarks were many a time covered in the school magazine. His frequent withdrawals and his knack for giving threats when incited had recently made him the object of many jokes after the Arizona gun shooting incident.

It took him an outsized amount of time to get used to the idiosyncrasies of school life; of making efforts to be part of a friends circle, and of maintaining a certain superficial image that he found was a prerequisite to be socially accepted. The kids around him spent incalculable amounts of time discussing trivialities.

Joshua, who was very opinionated, could not help being cynical about these observations. His raillery however, did not go down well with the others, and he found himself hanging precariously on the line beyond which he would risk being an outcast. He soon learned that it was not a great idea to question the system, but to follow the herd. It was at this point that he felt a morbid sense of fear of losing a part of him that he liked and wanted to retain in him.  

He made a few friends, but did not revel much in their company. He needed them only as much as they needed him. He found it impossible to connect with anyone at an emotional level.  

One thing that made Joshua instantly likable was his looks. He had curly black hair, nicely tanned skin, and the physique of a swimmer with well-built shoulders. He dated a couple of girls in school. Almost too soon he was bored. His first few sexual experiences had been quick and awkward, the last one being an immensely unpleasant experience to put it briefly. Joshua never talked about it.

He felt terribly lonely at times.

Once he scraped through high school, the optimism for a new beginning was overshadowed by his angst to once again be ridiculed. Joshua who had always been an unassailable individualist was now tired of standing out. His impregnable self-confidence had started to ebb away. He could not help but think of how merging into the crowd might actually be a welcome change.

That morning was Joshua’s first day at college. He took a cab three-fourths of the way and walked the rest after he got down to buy cigarettes.

The Bombay weather was chilly at this time in the morning. The road was half wet as it had rained the night before, washing the entire city clean.

He lit a cigarette, and compared himself with Loughner, the prosecuted shooter in the Arizona shooting. They were both extremely critical and assertively dogmatic in their views. They also felt much superior in intellect as compared to others and invariably put rationality in the forefront of every approach.

Joshua was not an idiot, though. He felt no sense of loathing for others, although he had learnt to place only contempt in his heart when it came to most of them.

He did consider killing his neighbor’s cat once; he recalled shamefully and wondered if it is the thought that counts.

More of an observer than a talker, Joshua was who you would call a typical introvert. He had fifteen friends on Facebook that included his grand mom, and most of his saved phone texts were from the local shop that sold his favorite games and DVD’s.


As he took in the last drag from his cigarette, he pictured for a second the line of people moving in and out from the campus as the soul-less and physically resilient walking zombies from the show he had been watching last night on TV, each sniffing for a prey to pounce and feed on. Then the moment was over, and he stubbed the cigarette end with his left foot, almost enjoying the power he felt over crushing its life. It was a feeling that would slip through his fingers once he strode through those gates of damnation, he thought.

Joshua’s subjects were History, English and Economics. He found it strangely exciting to be studying solely what he was enthusiastic about. He found the university environment different and oddly refreshing from the one at school. There was something in the air that suggested normalcy. He initially refrained from conversing, but found it difficult to perpetuate in an isolated mode, especially with the many looks he received from girls.

He spent a great deal of free time pouring over books in the university library, although initially just to avoid the large crowd. Joshua soon learned to love the library and missed its quietness at odd hours of the day. He liked the smell of old paper bound together in a book and the comfortable chairs with cushions next to big glass windows on which the pattering of rain drops was mellifluous. There were only a few others who spent time in there as much as he did, and he subliminally started noticing them, especially the girl from South India with wavy black hair and dimples, and a laugh that he grew to like more than the quietness or the pattering of the rain.

Her name was Anna. He had seen her at the English lectures. He noticed what books she read, and what time she came and left. He noticed what she was wearing and what she smelt like. Joshua did not approach her. He merely watched her.

One rainy Friday afternoon, Anna and Joshua were the only two in the library. She was immersed in Sea of Many Returns, one of his favorites in the realm of mythology. He resolved to make conversation with her. He picked up a copy of The Fig Tree from a shelf he frequently haunted and with it he gently hit her on the head before saying, “If you like that one, I suggest you read this. It’s his masterpiece.”

She looked up at him with eyes that were thickly lined with kohl, as if stirred from a reverie. “I knew it couldn’t just be me you were staring at”, she said laughingly as she took the book from his hands and flipped through the initial few pages. Joshua liked her boldness. He was interestingly at ease around her. He sat down on the chair next to her, and they talked about their favorite characters in Greek mythology; she rooted for Hermes, the messenger of Gods and Joshua advocated Ares, the God of War. He found her leveled gaze studying him while he talked about Ares’s passion for war and conflict. 

An hour slipped by, and she had to leave. “You see what you did there,” she began with a twinkle in her eye, “was to force me to shift perspectives, to favor Ares”.
“Yeah, so?”, he asked with a casual shrug and grinned. “I was convincing, wasn’t I?”.
“Very”, she said as she got up to go, “Its interesting how you presumed that the win gave you some sort of an edge.”

 He stood where he has, lost over what she said.

 I’m sorry I think weren’t any introductions, I’m-“.
“Anna, I know. I’m Joshua,” he said without thinking.
She shook her head and laughed. “Of course you do.”


It was the beginning of a new friendship, a friendship that would slowly sway into a relationship so emotionally strong that Joshua would be unable to comprehend the nature of his love for her.

The library conversation had an unfathomable effect on Joshua. He discovered that life wasn’t all black and white. There were multifarious shades in between that remained unexplored and unexplained. That right or wrong also had right and wrong. He felt steeped in paradoxes.

Anna understood him from the start. She did not pretend to believe that he was perfect. She saw through him and discerned his insecurity, his awkwardness, and the pain burdening him. She told him she liked his simplicity. She showed him how a large place like the university had room for plenty of variety and diversity and was more accepting of everyone’s differences. Joshua found himself talking to new people, and enjoying it. Some of them were the same faces from his school, but Joshua saw them from a new light. 
 He started walking the corridors of his college with his head held up high. It was okay to be who he was.

He thought of her as the magnificent mermaid he had discovered on a rock on the ocean when he was drowning in the heavy current of the water. She had swum to him and saved him, bringing him safely back to the shore to start a new life. He told her the mermaid story, and she laughed and called him lame. He did not expect her to understand.

She had given him the initial push like the wind does to a tiny rock on the top of a hill. From then on he had traveled on his own, deriving excitement from the unexpectedness of life.

One day he asked her to stay back after lectures. In the empty classroom that evening, he professed his love for her. She said she loved him too, and he kissed her. It was Joshua’s way of thanking her.

He thought of his first day at the university, and how he had dreaded the empty classrooms after-college hours. He smiled to himself, almost triumphantly.